Hong Kong Night Guide (1997)
Reviewed by: STSH on 2006-04-04
Summary: Incredible trash
A kind-of video magazine which attempts to cover everything a randy male may want to know about how and where to get girls in HK and Macau.

Technical quality : El cheapo extremo ! I haven't seen video as grainy since Super 8 was phased out. Has the look of ultra-cheap porn exploitation, which it is.

Entertainment value : Runs the gamut from dull to wacky to just plain gross, but it's in-ya-face sexual voyeurism all the way. The wackiest bit concerns a kung fu master and his potency maintenance technique (which would cause serious injury to any normal man) ultimately and hilariously failing to impress a young British girl (named Thatcher !) who can take 72 consecutive hours of continuous sex.

Content : Over twenty short segments covering :

* massage parlours, including where to get tit-massaged and milk bathed by 6 young lovelies for only $HK6,000 (compared with $HK600 for one night in hospital), and the ever-popular full body in the bath massage.

* brothels, including sound advice on how not to make the girl's pimp angry

* porn actresses, including the cute Mako Yuki, pictured visiting a fan's home and serving him breakfast (dressed only in a large bbq apron), taking a bath and sexily licking a corn cob. And another, who creates pussy plastercasts.

* places to pick up non-professionals and where to take them, including the dozens of no-holds-barred parties on Lamma Island every Saturday night, featuring commentary by and sex in the shower with a tattooed Penang bikie chick.

* And, for the married men, how to cover up for female indulgences before going home to your wife. Including how to get the smell of condoms off your private part.

Some of this advice should have a health warning. Example : Those scratches that enthusiastic whore left on your back. Rub with sandpaper, and tell your wife you had a traffic accident.

Erotic/sexy rating : Being made in the XXX style, this film is about as unerotic as you it gets. Seedy and nasty. More like watching girls misbehaving in toilets than girls sensually bathing. Loads of sex action and nudity.

You have been warned.
Reviewer Score: 7