Golden Queen's Commandos (1982)
Reviewed by: ewaffle on 2009-05-20
“Golden Queen's Commandos” is a chaotic movie with a confusing, almost nonexistent plot, paper thin characters and poorly filmed action scenes. There is no continuity between sections, beginning as a woman in prison film, become a western, complete with bad guys in black with wide-brimmed, flat crowned hats and ends as a war movie. It is violent from the start. Along the way characters are blown up, shot, knifed, impaled by chopsticks and crushed by a portcullis. Its main attractions are comely female stars and their campy, revealing costumes plus some inventive hair and makeup details. Becoming more outlandish with each scene, “Golden Queen's Commandos” is “B” movie heaven if you like such things, agony for the rest.

So, we begin with seven women each of whom has a special talent for crime and carnage. Six of them are introduced under the credits with scenes of them engaging in their specialty. They meet again in prison, a prison that seems to have more guards than inmates, a good idea since the prisoners have ready access to weapons. Brigitte Lin as Black Fox shows up, her reputation as the baddest of bad girls already known throughout the prison. Wearing an eye-patch and an imperious smile she personifies cool.

Black Fox sets up each of the women, gets them thrown into the black hole then joins them there. Instead of carrying out a quick and painful revenge the other criminals listen to her plan to escape and then.... Well, it never is really clear what they plan to do. There is sabotage involved although whether they will be acting for the revolutionaries or the army switches from scene to scene. The target is a chemical plant in an impregnable fortress located in a fortified valley. They escape wearing prison guard uniforms modified for their needs—the pants cut into short shorts, the blouses tailored so they are tight and missing the top few buttons. The escapee/commandos look like chorus girls in the “Springtime for Hitler” number in “The Producers”. Elsa Yeung, as Genius, completes her look with a hairdo that would be appropriate on a 80s hair metal guitarist.

The next section, the Western, is also the shortest—although it might seem to be the longest. An all but interminable chase on horses ends when the pursuers are blown up by Sally Yeh as Dynamite, who looked ravishing here. It also featured a tracker who crawled on the ground like a dog to pick up their scent, helped by a traitor among the group who was dropping splashes of perfume along the way. I am not making this up.

When they arrive at the impregnable fortress it takes them a few minutes to get inside. Along the way they have a typical war movie gunfight with the now six of them (the traitor having been executed on the spot in the last segment) shooting it out against a platoon of soldiers with automatic weapons, dug in and prepared for them. Having dispatched the soldiers they find their way to the inner sanctum where the ringleader, dressed in black leather and seated on a throne, is waiting. He is attended by a fat guy in tank top. The chemical plant looks more like a grammar school science project, with beakers, test tubes and glass tubing. They are making a substance that will allow them to dominate the world. Clearly evil, their creation has to be destroyed, which the girls do while killing the two of them.

The body count in “Golden Queen's Commandos” rivals the last act of “Hamlet”--I think everyone is dead at the end, even the ringleader’s cat. Recommended for fans of outrageous “B” movies that don’t make sense even on their own lunatic terms but have plenty of explosions and some very attractive women in inventively abbreviated outfits.