“Wild Bunch of Kung Fu” opens with a shot of a man defecating, partially hidden behind a tree. It goes downhill from there. The man behind the tree is a shepherd who is distraught when he discovers that one of his sheep is missing—an appropriate reaction, one would assume, since the responsibility of a shepherd to his flock is one of the central images in the western canon and may well be an important theme in non-western literature. From the Book of Psalms of the Jewish scriptures (the Old Testament) to “Brokeback Mountain” the importance of those *&%#@ sheep is underlined. So when one goes missing our hero is frantic and immediately sets off looking for the beast. He finds it but in a different form than when he last saw it—it is now lamb chops being cooked over an open fire and eaten by a couple of tough guys.

The heartbroken shepherd is Dumpling. He is a halfwit, unable to carry out any tasks that are assigned to him, including, of course, making dumplings. I think we are supposed to sympathize with Dumpling—it is impossible to empathize with him—but since he never does anything right and shows no hope of ever doing so he simply makes us either uncomfortable or bored.

This is a terrible movie. There is no reason for anyone to watch it and I hope those who paid for it in the cinemas were successful in getting the price of admission returned by the theatre owners.

No numerical rating because it is not good enough to rate a 1.