If Tolstoy were a local film critic, he might remark that each bad Cantonese movie is bad in its own way. Just when you think you've reached the depths of medicority, along comes another bomb that stinks in an entirely different manner. Apart from its unique title, there is little that is diverting about this classroom comedy. Director/star Frankie Chan Fun-kay, long absent from the screen, has a lot to say about Hong Kong's youth. And while one admires his optimism, if the movie's "children" are indeed our future, then both society in general, and the cinema industry in particular, have a lot to worry about.

The script, credited to a trio of scribes-Chan Wing-yuk, Leung Po-on, and Chan Wai-wun-covers the usual schoolroom cliches, but without the insight of To Sir With Love and The Asphalt Jungle or the raucous fun of American Pie. The faculty and student body of the Jubilee School are a bunch of unamusing caricatures. Miss Lau (Monica Chan Fat-yung) is the institution's top teacher, a beautiful shrew whose high-pressure tactics contribute, in the movie's opening scene, to the suicide of one pupil. Music instructor Mister Bui (Mark Lui Chung-tak, who also wrote the movie's numerous songs) is Lau's laid-back opposite, though his teaching methods are so lackadaisical that one questions why he even bothers showing up everyday.

Principal Lam (Lam Song-yee) is a good-natured buffoon (par for the course in all Grease-inspired sagas). His daughter, Miss Lam (Kristy Yeung Kung-yu), is a caring teacher supposedly returned from university in the United Kingdom, though one would never know it from her Shakespeare class (one of the film's many examples of unintentional humour). Mister Ng (the first major film role of Mainland Chinese ballet dancer Fu Xiu-ming) is the physical education instructor with a penchant for pirouettes.

Bringing this motley crew into shape is Jubilee's newest teacher, former financier Mister Au (Frankie Chan). In the course of a long 107 minutes, he helps to fix all of Jubilee's moral and spiritual cracks, culminating in a remarkable 11-minute dance number that truly sets IQ Dudette apart from the scores of other Cantonese films produced in 1999.

The occasion is a dance contest in which Jubilee's high schoolers unite and show the world what they can do. The mini-musical's subject is a rock updating of the classic Butterfly Lovers, complete with tango (performed by Ng and pupil Judy (Sin Oi-lin)). It's a bold concept, and musical lovers will be heartened by the attempt to inject a reel-long dance into a Cantonese movie. Alas, the tv variety show shooting style is so choppy and unimaginative that the viewer is denied the opportunity to appreciate the talent involved.

Trim 20 minutes and you might have something that qualifies as a guilty pleasure, but in its present length the antics wear out their welcome. Eventually, Director Chan-aided and abetted by his alter ego, Teacher Au-ties up all the loose ends in a too-convenient manner. The animosity between teenage sisters May (Chan Hing-yin) and Queenie (Chan Yat-ling) is brought to a close; the "tomboy" tendencies of Rachel (Kam Hoi-yan) are cured by one straight kiss; her former girlfriend Candy (Pang Wai-kun) tearfully reconciles with invalid dad (Eric Tsang Chi-wai); and even the frigid Miss Lau is shown to have a caring heart beneath her frosty exterior.

Au's half-baked philosophizing may save the day, but it doesn't save the movie. IQ Dudettes says as much about the deficiencies of Hong Kong's film industry as it does the education system, two realms ripe for reform while the new millennium is still in its infancy.